Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
