We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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