There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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