Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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