alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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