Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
