i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
