At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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