My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Randomize
