When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
they're like a gay fantastic four
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
