what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize