idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
