just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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