You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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