If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
