You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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