I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
