Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I supernannyed him into submission
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
