wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize