Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
