He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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