If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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