I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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