so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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