Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you had me at cake vodka
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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