Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize