He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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