i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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