Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
