This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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