dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
