she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
