I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sext me about skeletons
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
