It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
