I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
