I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
3pm strippers are depressing
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
