I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
