I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Quick, to the slutcave!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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