yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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