Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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