No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
this is an emotional support booty call
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
