Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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