Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That's intense
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
