He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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