We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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