so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
