4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
