how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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