Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
