I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
