maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she told me i tasted like america
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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