The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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