im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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