like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
