Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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