So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
