so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
