i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
