hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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