OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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