I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I touched a dick in church today
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
