Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
