You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
