I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
