my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
