Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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