these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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