Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
