Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
