Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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