Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
