kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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