Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
