I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
