grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
