she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
