It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
