It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize