Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
