too bad you live with your parents still
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
