Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
